“Kick him in the nuts…!!”

This out of the mouth of my 5yr old, when explaining what he would do when someone kidnaps him. I say ‘when’ because he thinks he’s a good catch. I explained that he may well be a good catch but that if someone was to kidnap him he would be a lot better off if he just whinged a lot like he does to me and he would surely be released immediately.

I have looked up the meaning of ‘whinge’ and the Oxford English Dictionary describes it as “Complains persistently in a peevish or irritating way”….Spot on I’d say….

Every single day after I have picked the boys up from after-school club it starts.

When we all first get in the car, I get a thoughtful “How was your day Mum?” from the eldest. We have a little chat and then revert to their day’s adventure. The eldest has usually had a good day unless his guitar lesson has encroached into break time, then he is indignant he has been hard done by.  However, everyday the little man starts his story pretty much in the same way… ‘Mary’ we’ll call her (name changed just in case she reads blogs!).

“Mum I really hate Mary. She is so mean, she says I am a poo”, the eldest, “but you were playing with her at break”.

“No I was trying to get away from her”

“No you weren’t, you were playing, I saw you”,

“I wasn’t”,


“WASN’T! Stop it Nooaaaaahhhhhh!”…..


“Mummy, he’s annoying me”…. and so it begins.

We have usually not even made the main road and that sound… nails and chalkboard…ugh!  There are currently road works all over Ashford so my 7 min journey home at 6pm is taking at least 25 mins and this niggling doesn’t stop.

By the time we get home, the little one is sobbing, the eldest has been screamed at, I have launched into a selfish tirade about how knackered I am and I don’t need to hear a word out of their mouths ever again…….and quite frankly if I’d kidnapped them both, I would have returned them in a heartbeat!!

That said, we get in, they calm down whilst changing, I get hugs and self administered apologies and a group agreement that we are all tired and we love each other really.

Then the real chat begins… about being kidnapped….funny how their brains work.

I’m not sure where he learnt the phrase “kick him in the nuts”, probably Mary or one of her choice friends, but it’s not me. When the eldest was 3 he stood up in the bath, lifted his manhood and said “Mummy what are these? And what are they for?!” I am not a prude but I am not a fan of crude words so I thought to myself “chose wisely, this moment will define the vocabulary used when discussing ‘those things’ for the rest of our lives….”

Every possible word flashed through my mind as quick as I could process, nothing sounded right for a 3 yr old to repeat…. I played it safe “They are testicles darling”.

“Oh ok” he sat down and continued playing with his bath toys. Well that was easy enough…

The next morning he’s getting dressed, “Mummy, what did you say they were, my Benjamins?”…. “Errr, yes that’ll do!” And there we have the origin of nicknames for privates in our house!! So I reiterate, school and choice friendships are to blame for Nuts!! Not me….

I love having the two boys and the odd chats we have, I’ve many more stories that I’ll save for another time. But this week for me has been and will continue to be all about families….and not just my own.

Today is the little mans 6th birthday, finally he gets his BOSS hoodie(!). You’d think the Queen was coming for tea with the heighten excitement bubbling indoors. He’s not up yet, but the kitchen is a balloon fest and the house today is all about him.

Also, in preparation for a busy weekend, every evening this week (after the boys have gone to bed), I have been catching up on Just Claire orders. I have managed  to finish and frame 12!!  All bespoke, individual and very personalised pebble art pictures!!!

Lots and lots are family portraits so here’s a few…

Gift for the Grandparents….

Another gift  this time just for Nanny, with a little sprinkle of sea-glass….

A little anniversary gift 2 kids, 3 cats later…

There’s that sea-glass again…family portrait  looking out to sea

Please do contact me if you are struggling for a gift for someone, we can make anything work, I am full of ideas.  Or of course, if you just fancy a bit of Just Claire Pebble Art to hang in your own family  home.

So continuing the family  theme, this evening after school , we are off to spend the weekend in Oxon Hoath House (click there to check it out – gorgeous!) with the hubby’s extended family.  Circa 80 of us in a stunning and glamorous house usually reserved for the elite and weddings.  This weekend we have the run of the whole place and I cannot wait….Saturday night is Hero’s and Villains fancy dress, and so the Incredible’s family, will be making their debut Kent appearance….

First though I need to attempt to make a ‘small’ (sic) grown-up Mr Incredible suit into one to fit a v slender eight year old…. don’t ask, just cross those fingers for me, and perhaps have a little prayer!!


Happy Friday, enjoy the weekend!




2 thoughts on ““Kick him in the nuts…!!””

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